Biblical Armageddon Must Be Taught Next to Global Warming!

“Some people think that the world’s gonna heat up, and we’re going to be baked alive… but other people think a monster with seven heads is going to come out, and rip us apart… I’m still deciding.” Classroom student

“Polls show that more than eighty percent of Americans believe God exists and He has an intelligent plan for how we will all die.” “Armageddon in the Classroom” Proponent

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3 Responses to Biblical Armageddon Must Be Taught Next to Global Warming!

  1. Just like that student, I, too, am confused as to how God is going to burn us up. My favorite (since "Late Great Planet Earth") has always been nuclear destruction, but now with the "Inconvenient Truth" and all the irrefragable evidence presented by Al Gore….I am so conflicted! I just don't know what to believe!! What's a Christian to do??

  2. Charles Coty says:

    You silly widdle wabbit. The "elements" are going to melt with fervent heat. It's not the planet that's about to burn. It's your automobile! Sell that Element while there's still time! All Elements will soon meet their untimely demise.

    "Irrefragable evidence". Very nice usage of the language, my friend.

    Ya know, the really sad part is that, while this secular group of creative geniuses at the Onion recognize the absurdity of the whole deal, most Christians go merrily around hoping to get snatched expecting what God promised to never let happen.

    Ecclesiastes 1:4 (ESV) A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever.

    Psalms 104:5 (ESV) He set the earth on its foundations, so that it should never be moved.

    Genesis 8:21 (ESV) And when the Lord smelled the pleasing aroma, the Lord said in his heart, "I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man's heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done.

  3. Nathan says:

    LOl got to love the Onion. They are great at seeing the absurdity of things.

    I have had so many "Christian" friends that never read any other part of the bible but Revelations. They worry so much over the end times that I think they will die 10 years sooner from all the stress.

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